At least make sure they are 18
Why
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
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