In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
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