woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
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