I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
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ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
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My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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