I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
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he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
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I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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