Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
