I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Randomize
