What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
