I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
