I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
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