hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I hope mine doesn't look like that
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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