Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
