I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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