You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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