i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
