Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
