I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
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They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
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I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize