even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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