im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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