So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
