my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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