I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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