paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
