Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
