He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
