i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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