Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
