Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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