im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
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