dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
