Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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