why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
