NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
