I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
