he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I think I sprained my soul last night
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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