Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
