omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
All I want is dick and wine.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
