so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
