he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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