so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
