Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
