i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
