we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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