I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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