i permit you to call me
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
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