Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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