maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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