when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
