hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
