are you still at the devil's house?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
