I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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