i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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