my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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