What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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