Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
