I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Randomize
