just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
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