based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize