Is it normal to miss your booty call?
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Randomize
