My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize