just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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