Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
