Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
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