i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
