dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
