The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
i drank out of a bidet.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
