I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
third nipple confirmed
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
