we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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