sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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