can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
