sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
